Don’t think of a frog!

Don’t think of a frog!

Oops!  You did, didn’t you?

It’s ok, you’re not alone.  There are many parents who tend to think about the stuff they don’t want more than the stuff they want.  And this is what their kids end up learning to do – and they all get more of what they don’t want.

Why does this happen? Simply put it’s because your unconscious (aka the subconscious) mind doesn’t process negatives.

That’s right.  The subconscious is very literal and has no judgment on the instructions you give it.  So, it follows orders literally and doesn’t understand what NOT is.

For example, some insurance companies back in the 1990s did a study of hotels and found that 90% of all slip and fall accidents happen in front of those yellow cones that are placed wherever the floor is slippery.  The cones normally state “Don’t Slip” with a picture of a stick figure falling on its behind.  These cones are not only telling you what not to do in words, they are giving your mind a picture to focus on too!  As you’re walking by, your subconscious is thinking and seeing “slip” and before you can focus on something different (ie, not slipping) you tend fulfill what you’re focused on.

So what does this mean for you and the kids learning from you?  You gotta watch your language and say it how you want it!

For example, do you find yourself always saying or thinking “I don’t want to be so tired!” or “I don’t want to yell all the time!” etc?

What your unconscious mind is focusing on is “I want to be so tired” and “I want to yell all the time” and, since it follows directions literally, it focuses your behaviours, efforts, and attention on being tired or yelling.

This is why all the gurus say it’s important to think positive or use positive language.  I can already hear you saying it “Oh great! More positive thinking! That stuff doesn’t work!”

Yes, it does, actually.  But if you have a ton of negative emotions and other gunk in your subconscious it’s best to clear that out before you can easily focus on the positive.   Think of it like cleaning out a garage of all the junk before you can park your new car in there.  You can do the clean-out all at once if you want, or you can do it a little at a time.  The point is to start cleaning out!

Once you do the clean up it’s easier to focus on what you want and to keep your language clean:

“I am vibrant and awake.”

“I am communicating clearly and meaningfully.”

So to teach your kids to get what they want out of life, make sure you’re using the cleanest and most positive language with everything they do.  Make sure the words you say are putting pictures in their heads of what they do want instead of what they don’t want.  Instead of “don’t spill the milk” say “keep all the milk in the cup,” or instead of “don’t run because you’ll fall” say “make sure you stay up on your feet.”  This will teach your kids to use language that’s positive too.  (Of course accidents may still happen, but you’ll be giving your kids’ minds the best chance of focusing on what they want.)

This goes for you, the parent, too.  The next time you set a goal and find yourself not achieving it because you keep focusing on all the ways in which you weren’t achieving it, switch to focusing on all the ways in which you are achieving it. This is what’s going to get you the results you want in your life and your kids lives.